We are more than halfway through this year, and it’s Summer – what a time to be alive!
After reading “The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are,” by Brené Brown and especially “The Courage to be Disliked,” by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga, I felt the old parts of myself wither away. This past year juggling work, play, and love became an increasing challenge.
From reading and learning about who I want to become and simply living life, I feel like I’ve reached a new milestone in living wholeheartedly. Here’s a few worth noting:
- It’s okay to lose yourself in the midst of doing you because you’ll eventually encounter people or something to find your way back.
Regardless of who you meet, whether it’s dating or cultivating friendships, it’s never linear. You either decide whether you like the person for who they are or who you hope they’ll become. In this online world of dating and meeting people, we suffer from imposter syndrome in trying to fit in, which in turn, lets you down because of the preconceived notion you already had coming in. (We can blame social media for this) It can be difficult to be your authentic self, and that’s okay. You’ll find your way back to yourself as you meet other people and proceed on living life.
- You are entitled to your own feelings
Don’t let people lower your vibrations. Their actions shouldn’t dictate the way you live your life unless it’s for the better (and that’s for you to decide). Whether it’s something that did not reciprocate or someone said or did, it shouldn’t negatively impact you. And even if it does, there’s no point sulking in the bitterness for a while. As long as you did your best, don’t sweat the small stuff and move forward.
- Your past doesn’t determine your present
Adlerian Psychology used by the philosopher in, “The Courage to be Disliked” argues with the youth that trauma is just an excuse for someone not to change. Just because you reacted a certain way from an experience does not define who you are now. Justifying your current behavior from your trauma admits defeat in not wanting to conquer your fear. Trauma can set you back on living a better life.
The universe can sometimes test your ability to handle past experiences in different forms to see if you learn your lesson. It can happen multiple times until you’re finally able to see it through and not repeat the same mistakes, hence reaching enlightenment. It’s a hard muscle to exercise, but Adlerian therapy allows you to reflect upon your past experiences to override the old habits in your brain. This therapy focuses to act upon your self-awareness in four stages: engagement, assessment, insight, and reorientation.
- Be yourself
It can be challenging as not everyone can handle all facets of your being. I’m not saying to throw yourself at every person you encounter to see who can embrace it all, but feel the energy and see where it goes. Don’t worry about second-guessing actions with someone or portray your insecurities upfront because you’re scared of the possibility of them not being a part of your future. What’s meant to be will stay. Your vibe attracts your tribe.
- Trust the journey and enjoy the process
Having a scarcity mindset sometimes get the best of me, so I try to anchor myself in stillness to breathe or talk to friends for alleviation. It scares me how much I enjoy a period of my life while knowing the feeling won’t last forever.
So why get sad over things you can’t control?
Appreciate the present moment and live in abundance because it’s not something you can ever get back. The Buddhist teaching of impermanence tells us to find meaning and joy in every moment as it passes. Understanding the nature of this allows us to appreciate and see things as they are.
You only learn through doing, and this isn’t to say I’ve perfected how to live the rest of my life, but rather how I can perceive going forward. I’ve been too hard on my reputation with other people instead of thinking for myself. I find it ironic how I’m back on my study abroad mindset (3 years ago around this time) where I should have fun. I shouldn’t take what I have now for granted. As long as I have my priorities straight then everything else should come together.
Everything will work out in the end. You don’t need to know the how. You just have to trust that it will.The Law of Attraction